What I Was Thinking When My Daughter Was Born

She was less than an hour old and Tom was God knows where.  I woke up out of the ether with an utterly abandoned feeling, and asked the nurse right away if it was a boy or a girl.  She told me it was a girl, and so I turned my head away and wept. "All right," I said, "I'm glad it's a girl.  And I hope she'll be a fool--that's the best thing a girl can be in this world, a beautiful little fool."

When I had Pamela, the only thing I thought about was how I hoped she would turn out to be a fool. That is what is best for her, in my opinion.  Sometimes I think of myself as a fool, but I still have a good life.  I am married to a wonderful man who cares about me.  My second cousin, Nick Carraway, is darling and an absolute rose.  I have a beautiful daughter.  Everything is going right in my life, so what does it matter if you're a fool.  As long as life is treating you the way you want it to treat you, it does not matter how you act.

My daughter is beautiful, and as soon as I saw her I was so overwhelmed with joy that I wept.  I also probably wept because I had no idea where Tom was.  There I was, lying in a hospital bed after just having a child, and my own husband wasn't there to support me.  I guess that moment made me a fool too.